Good Morning Everyone! :action-smiley-065:

It has come to my attention this week that one of the main keys in success to WLS is learning to love yourself it the proccess. I have noticed that this week I started thinking about things that I love about myself. In that process my head started to life a little higher and I wasn't quite as obssessed with my weight and food. Most importantly my choices through out the day improved because I am thinking that I am worth that better choice. I am curious as to what you do to learn to love yourself and if this sound like you.

Thanks!! :sport-smiley-001:

Shauna

This is one of the hardest things for us to do - but you must do it to be able to take the best care of you and your family. Keep going - and come here often for support!

Great question Shauna!

To love myself, I now exercise daily, take my vitamins, and take time to enjoy cooking and preparing food for myself and my family!

Thank you for your reply. I am so happy to see you are loving yourself enough. That is the point I am coming to. I don't want to do it just because everyone says I have to.. or because its just the "right" thing to do. I want to do it because I love myself enough to do it. There is so much more power behind it and better will when I feel this is for the love of myself. I can't believe the realization of power I have behind this.

Hi Lee,

Thank you for your reply. I love the fact that learning to love myself means I can love those around me more. I am so excited about this discover!

Thank you Shauna for starting this topic. It is one of the most important keys to success, in anything, yet one of the most difficult things to do. I know there are times when I feel silly or vain or selfish for being kind to myself. But when I look at the broader picture, as you said, when we are kind to ourself it is easier and more natural to be kind to others.

I am learning to take quiet time for myself --- 30 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time for me --- this is hard, but I shut down the computers, cell phones, fax machines and TV or radio. Just silence. Sometimes I read off-material (not work related) or look at pictures/scrapbooks. Sometimes just be and hang-out with KeepHerKitty who happens to be a pro at "me time"! This has given me a new sense of calm and it is good to understand that I am worthy and deserving of quiet time for myself.

So what are some of the things people are doing to be kind to their self?

For me, being kind to myself started about 4 years ago. It was the summer of my 40th year, and I realized that I'd done so much to ensure that my daughter had everything she needed, a stable home, a loving family, a secure life... but I'd forgotten that one of the things she needed was a happy Mom.

Looking over where I was, I realized that I'd been putting a major part of who I was away, hiding it in a box as it were, working in Corporate America and ignoring the creative side of myself... and I was not a happy person because of it...

I made a decision then and there to do something about it, and I've been working toward the ultimate goal of living my life as the person I've always wanted to be, ever since. There have been some decisions that I've made in that regard that I've come to regret - choices that could have been better chosen, but, all in all, I'm a much happier person because of that day of introspection.

Part of those choices and that decision path included the one that lead me to WLS. For me, it was clear that I wasn't happy with what I'd done to my body, and that it was in my best interest, and my daughter's best interest to do something about it. That it would be what would make me happier, regardless the inherent dangers, regardless the naysayers... regardless the fact that it was probably the single most selfish act I'd ever committed.

And my Kaitie now knows that a part of being a good Mom is being good to yourself. And, for me, that's probably the best lesson of it all!

The biggest thing that I have done to learn to love myself was to give myself the gift of this surgery. I didn't like who I was or who I was becoming, or what I was becoming. I didn't realize that I would have to learn myself all over again. I also went thru some counseling to learn about enablers and that I was one. I have a codependent home and the most recent thing is that you cannot be the only one to change, but you can be the one that decides how to deal with what you are in. I bought myself a new Bible, some cds, taking the money for me instead of just paying off bills. I try to take some time everyday for myself, and this is not always easy to accomplish!

I know this surgery has changed my life... but things started changing a couple of years sooner when my mother died and left me with 3 children to raise. Her heart attack scared the day lights out of me... but gaining my brothers and sister put things into perspective... I knew if I didn't start loving me more... they wouldn't have me long either.

One of the things I wish I had learned to do before was love who I was inside first so that I could do more for myself... WLS helped me learn one very important aspect and that was even with the weight loss, I STILL have to learn to love me or WLS is going to be for nothing. Loving myself means a better career in Social Services and a Writer... To make good choices each day with exercise and nutrition... I miss singing so much, I let that go all because I didn't believe in myself enough... ENOUGH of this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love me.. I love that I am a good sister/mother... I love that I am the best partner to my boyfriend I have ever been before.... I love that I write well and have the courage to write and put myself out there.... My reward for when I make my 160 goal is to have a professional photo shoot... You know what... why wait? Why not at 200 lbs or 220? I mean I have to love who I am now right? My WLS has served a great purpose in my life and was one of the best things I ever gave myself... I was 343 and now fluxuate in the 230's... I will continue to fight to become healthy not skinny! Because skinny or fat I am still worth the fight.

This is a very emotional moment for me to say these things.... Thanks for letting me rant!!!! I Love myself!

haha sounds conceited. Feels strange... but I LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE ME!!!!!!!! I LOVE ME I LOVE ME !!!!!! I am worth it darn it! I have worth!

Best wishes all!

Shauna

My quiet time each day is in the walk I take through the neighborhood (no, not this neighborhood). I live in a very rural setting and it is a time to reflect on the day and what I feel I have accomplished. It has become a very nice ritual.

Hello,everyone. I've lurked around a few times but finally joined today... I had surgery 15 mos ago, and it was the best thing I ever did for ME. I was so miserable, and could not see living my life like it was for "the rest of my life". I had to do something... it has helped me reclaim my life, and really, to find out who I am. I am still becoming the me that i always wanted to be.

People don't know how to accept it when we change. We become more confident, and less willing to give in to their every request. Simply said, we say NO more, and pursue the things that WE want to pursue... truly a gift to ourselves.

Thanks for letting me join in today. Hope to spend more time here....

Hi Melinda,

Welcome... it is great to have you here with us. I look forward to learning more about you and your progress. Best Wishes!

Shauna

Thanks Shauna! Its always nice to get a warm "howdy doo"! I like it here so far. I lurked months ago but didn't join... thought it was time!

Hi, I don't have a banner, and I'm not very good at e-mail but I need to connect. I love this topic!!!. It is a long journey to learn to love yourself. I do practice positive affirmations. I like Shakti Gwain and Louise Hay books. I swim alot. I go tanning (even though I know its not good for my skin). I'm only three months post sx and still need the crutch of a tan. I buy flowers every week for myself. I work to drink all my water because, (as hard as it is) I know this is taking care of myself. The hardest part of loving myself is the negative thinking and monitoring this. But I do find that I have a more positive voice in my head that I can listen to if I pay attention. Thanks for all the imput.

I think it's very ironic that I found this section of "Loving Yourself." I'm in a place in my life that I'm trying to find who I am and how to love that person. Having wls was the best thing I've ever done for myself, but I feel like I still need to heal who I am. I'm still that wounded, big, unhappy girl I was prior to wls. It's gotten me stuck in a rut that I've gained a few pounds and you can tell. I'm on different antidepressents that have effected my wl. Today my meds have been changed. Hopefully this helps...not only my mood and how I look at myself, but the weight loss as well. Today, I tried to start the 5DPT for the third time, but I was unsuccessful. Partially because I didn't prepare myself well today. I'm going to attempt this again tomorrow.

Loving yourself....probably the 2nd hardest thing a WLS patient can do, I think. But there had to have been a sparkle of love for us to have the surgery in the first place. As a mom and a wife, the thought of putting yourself ahead of your family at any given moment is a hard concept to believe.

Since I was a little girl, I have heard people say "if you can't love yourself, you won't be able to love anyone" and honestly...I don't believe that. I have spent years hating myself but giving unconditional love to my children and husband. So I believe its possible to hate yourself and love others.

But, in order to follow through with something, it IS necessary to love yourself...I believe. I have repeatedly came close to goal weight, only to sabatage myself and regain "comfort" weight. This loving yourself thing is something that needs to happen in order to finally break the cycle, to finally say..its OK to be normal...its OK to look nice..its OK to have people compliment you...it's OK to feel beautiful.

So for me, loving me begins in the morning. Husband is still in bed...kids are grown and moved out, so its me and my dogs, sipping coffee and prepping for the day...thinking positive thoughts...and focusing on the day ahead. Repeating to myself...its OK...

Have a great day!

Wwowwww. How did I miss this thread?! This is the single most important issue to me. Gotta do this folks. Gotta do this. Seems to be a woman's thing too. Most guys just will not admit that they are having trouble with this.

Try this: this morning, in the shower, get your hands really full of soap and gently, slowly massage your legs and tummy and arms and the rest of you. Do you feel love and fascination? Or do you just want to get clean and get it over with? Try to slow down and pretend that your body is that of your lovers. Can you enjoy your own curves and lumps and bumps the way you would someone you love?

This is a good test. Another is to really watch yourself as you dress and get ready this morning. Wink at yourself, smile.

Report back. How did it go for you?

This is a good thread. I don't know how I missed it, either.
I have such good self esteem that people tend to think I'm prideful or stuck up. But, self esteem doesn't always equal self love. I struggle to love myself. There are some things I do though. I am faithful to follow the WLS rules, see my docs, take my meds & supplements, have my annual "female" exam, spend time on myself. I'm a work in progress.
Sandi, you make me smile. You seem so in touch with who you are. I have to add to your shower scenario~~do your breast self exam monthly while you're all soaped up. It is a good way to show self love.

Jeanie, I'm glad I make you smile, but you don't really answer my challenge...Report in. What did you feel? Acceptance or love?

I challenge you all to actually do this and truly report back.

Amen!

Count you blessings every day

Sorry, Sandi, I've been at work all day, so haven't been in the shower since I read your post, therefore I couldn't report in. Tomorrow, when I shower, I will do your exercise but I already know I will feel acceptance and love. When I said you make me smile, it wasn't out of amusement. I think you are very comfortable with yourself & you want others to accept & love themselves as well. That's why I smiled. Many people aren't comfortable. I'm pretty comfortable w/ my body also. I think that is part of the reason I allowed myself to get fat. I didn't feel gross or disgusted w/ my body. I had the WLS because I want to be healthy. The size wasn't a big problem for me.

Loving yourself can start within but in order to FULLY heal childhood wounds that keep us down....COUNSELING IS THE KEY!!

Think about it....I've gone for years....and was able to CHANGE ALOT...however I still have issues creep up now and then and then I GO BACK!! Made an appt. today as a matter of fact!!

It's been way over a year....but KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

SELF LOVE HAS TO COME FIRST!! That doesnt mean you cant love others...or do your best for them.......

You will see....it WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!

GOOD LUCK! Julie