:D Hello Kaye's Neighborhood! I'm Jim, Kaye's husband and Im new to this so she is going to have to help me until I get the hang of what Im doing.

When Kaye told me about the Family Table I wanted to post this little blurp I wrote for a newsletter last year. Do any of you support families feel frustrated when the dumping happens?

Well, again its good to be here and start to know you although I already know many of you from the stories Kaye tells.

Have a GREAT day!

Jim B)

There is nothing worse than seeing Kaye dump and knowing there’s not a thing I can do to make it go away or help her. I usually know before she does that she’s going to dump because she becomes slightly confused and sometimes a bit irritable. When we travel by car Kaye is the map-reader and navigator, and a good one at that. One hot afternoon in the American Southwest we had gone too long without water and Kaye started to dump. I recognized it when she became confused and frustrated, unable to decipher the map. We stopped immediately for water but it wasn’t in time to reverse a full-fledged dump. We learned that day that heat and dehydration will cause a dumping episode.

For Kaye profuse sweating follows the confusion. When I see the sweat start to bead on her forehead I know it’s started. When it’s a really bad dump the sweat will drip off her like an athlete in intense training. Seeing this the first thing I want to do is reach out and hold her to comfort her, maybe rub her back or arm and let her know I’m here. Well, I’ve learned that when she is dumping she says her skin becomes ultra sensitive, "it feels like it’s crawling" she tells me. She says it isn’t comforting to be touched. So I’m left with nothing to do but wait it out helplessly.

One thing I do is encourage her to lie down, and sometimes she isn’t very rational about this. But if I can get her to lie down I know the dump will soon pass. Then I keep a close watch on her because like flipping a dime she’ll go from sweating to shivering cold just like that. Once she starts to become cold I’ll offer her a blanket and a glass of room temperature water to help re-hydrate her after the sweating. Sometimes I’ll give her a small glass of Gatorade and that seems to work to refresh her. With any luck the dumping episode will be at night and she can sleep it off until morning. But daytime or afternoon dumps are best followed with a nap. Even so, I know if it is a severe episode she won’t feel like herself for the rest of the day.

Another difficult thing about the dumping is not always knowing what causes it. It would be one thing if I saw her eat a bowl of ice cream and then get sick but it’s not like that. Kaye is very careful with her food choices but sometimes she just dumps and we don’t know the cause. There have been times when she is dumping and hasn’t eaten any food in several hours; we believe these are stress dumps. In fact, her last dump was stress induced as she prepared for a large family party. Sometimes when I see her eat a "marginal" food item – for example a slice of bread with peanut butter – I just hold my breath hoping she doesn’t get sick.

Kaye can be very hard on herself, I suppose like she was when she was overweight and blamed herself so much. When she starts beating-up herself I can reassure her that sometimes it just happens and she didn’t willfully cause it. I try to tell her dumping isn’t a statement of good or bad, it’s simply a byproduct of the gastric bypass – dumping does not make her a bad or unworthy person.

It seems like the time between dumping episodes is getting longer and longer. In the past they’ve come in waves, maybe three or four in a week and she would become so sad and discouraged. Maybe her body is adjusting, maybe her food tolerances are improving or maybe it’s just the luck of the draw. I hope they are few and far between, but when the next one hits I will be at her side, quietly helplessly waiting it out with her.

Good article. It has to be very difficult for family members and friends to always know how to react to a gastric bypass patient's new lifestyle and problems.

Kaye's lucky to have your support. It's easy for us to beat ourselves up and we often need reminders that we are all "just human."

Thanks for sharing, Jim...

I have yet to dump. But I know my husband thinks about it sometimes and worries for me. He is alot more protective of me about many things now. He has been such a rock of support and I know it hasn't always been easy for him.
Galelynn :D

My mother feels the same way, useless, and there is nothing that anyone else can do, but you are such a sweety for trying so hard to be there for her!

My hubby nursed me back to me after my knee surgery in 2001. I already know what a great caretaker he can be, and I know how much I appreciated it. Having him, and my mom and sister around makes the decision to have the surgery a lot easier to make. Kaye has found a keeper. She's lucky to have you!

Hello TV Hubby! I finally get to talk to you without Kaye...what will she think about this? :D

More importantly...what did you think of that G.A. final episode? I cried my eyes out.

Back to the topic at hand, the only person to ever see me dump was my good friend Carollyn while we were in Vegas. I suppose a couple hundred strangers saw it happen too...not fun! I wanted to hide, but was so miserable, I didn't care who saw me in my "dump slump" in front of a slot machine. No more buffets!

Thank you, Jim, for sharing your concerns with us. My darling man has the same problem. I can see the fear in his face when he thinks something is happening and there is nothing he can do but kneel there and watch me. The side effects of this "surgery" doesn't just happen to us, but also to our family and friends. Kaye's a lucky women to have your genuine love and support.

Hi Jim,
I think my husband is also really afraid of not being able to help me, or that I'm going to lose to my much weight and be sickly, or worried that sometime I'm going to get so sick I can't recover and I don't know what else.

I haven't had a major dumping episode (thank you Goddess!), but I have had times after eating when I've gotten so sleepy, dizzy and confused that I just have to lie down and sleep it off. I think that may be a mini dump or something. I never know whether to tell my Jim or not--I don't want him to become overly nervous about me.

Your article was a very informative read for me--you did a great job describing what you see before and during a dump. I'll know what to look for. Well written. Thanks...

Hey Sandi,
This is how I dump when I've just crossed over the borderline on my sugar/carb consumption. It's also how I get when I've consumed too much fat. Not fun, is it? Nothing like having that hit you on your commute home. Yikes!

The one time that I had dumping syndrome I started sweating like crazy and the room started slowly rotating like I was on a carousel! I didn't enjoy it one bit and have tried so hard to be careful since then.

It is really scary to watch, I can understand that husbands/pareents/frieds become more protective of our little WLS people. Kaye doesn't dump very often anymore because she is rigid about her food. But yesterday she had a bad one from not drinking her water and eating chips. I worried when she insisted on buyimng them but shes hardheaded. She is feeling better today.

you know you cant stop anyone from buying or eating anyting- that leads to just the worse fights I have ever known in my life.
Its hard to hear if from the folks we love, honey are you sure you want the chips? if I have it in my head to get them- and it sounded like Kaye did
then being the smart woman she is she will have a good answer back as to why she can have them.

glad you both made it thru


Paula

Paula is right. Although you might know that she is going to suffer for it, sometimes the best teacher is the one that kicks you in the pants and the best thing you can do is let them make the mistake and try hard not to let the kick in the pants get you down. We are all going to continue to do this, Kaye is no different than the rest of us in once in a while making a bad decision, she suffers for it, with you right beside her and by letting her admit that she should have listened to you, you avoid a fight or argument and she knows that you were just trying to look out for her which strengthens your relationship! Good call and give each other a hug for what you both went thru, Jim Dear and Darling!

I am NOT hardheaded! I prefer the word *determined*

:blush:

Right, you were *determined* to get the chips and now you have *determined* that they made you dump. Nothing hard about that! :D

Hard headed, but soft hearted... *dreamy sigh*

Jim, just to say again: I REALLY VALUE YOUR INSIGHTS into what this "ride" is like for the spouse. I hope that you'll post often. I worry about my darling husband worrying about me. I catch him watching my choices and I wonder how stressful it is for him to "let go" and be a partner. I don't know if I could do it. He's so patient with me. It fills me with such love for him.

Jim,

Got any unattached male family in MI? :blush:

I think it is extremely stressful for others to be witness to any of the side-effects of WLS such as dumping, vomiting, dehydration, etc. I know that I often feel guilty and apologize to Jim after being sick because I know most of the time I caused it. I feel guilty for putting him through that kind of worry and anxiety. Being the mate of a WLS is a tough job, and like you Sandi, I'm not sure I could do it. At least not as well as Jim does.

How much do I love that he said that you're hardheaded? Love, love, LOVE that!!!!

I wondered what was happening to me. I have been elated to discover what I was doing wrong via the neighborhood. And lately I have experienced the same episodes of what Jim posted about Kaye. I too thought maybe it was low blood sugar returning as it had pre-op, especially being so far out post-op. Yet...
different. When Jim described the symptoms, I said Bingo! this is it. And now I can at least take measures to try and steer clear.

Thanks Jim for posting this. This neighborhood has helped me personally a great deal.