Hi, my name is Barb (heckmom) and I'm a food addict!

I read a very eye opening and interesting thread this past weekend. It dealt with finding the strength to overcome their feelings of continually looking toward the next meal or opportunity to eat...their addiction to food! Well this hit home big time for me...and I am >4yrs post RNY!! What a hold food has on me. Now, I know as well as the rest of us where the roots to this food addiction stem, but what I can't seem to get is a stronghold grasp on dealing with the addictive urges to graze, carb-load...etc. I have gotten a really good grip being involved in this neighborhood as well as completing the 5dpt, but cannot say that I have mastered a stronghold! It was quite a reality check to read that thread and very encouraging at the same time.

I am not sure if I am a food addict but I do know that formerly I was obcessed by food and dieting. I DO know that having a plan when the craving hits is what kept me in line after I was able to pretty much eat anything. For me, it was to tell myself that I was going in the kitchen and getting a glass of water, standing in front of the sink and not leaving until it was completely gone. Now that I can't just chug it down, this gives me time for the craving or urge to pass. I find that I don't need this 'trick' nearly as often as I did when I first started doing it.

Hi Barb,

I totally understand what you're saying! I LOVE food! I think about it all the time. I look forward to my next meal. I love the way it tastes, feels, everything! And I'm 5 years post WLS! I have to dream about all of the "bad" food from before my WLS though, I do not allow myself to have any of my "trigger" foods because I can't be trusted! I think I had enough of that all those years I was morbidly obese. But I miss it!

Hello....my name is Julie and I'm a food addict.

We're all in this together and isn't it nice to know we're not alone?

Hugs to you!!

Hey there I know what your talking about I have a hard time still with the demons I know food is a addiction and everyday I fight to win the battle.....but I am winning ........can you tell me what thread you read please so I can go back and read it....hugs

I will look around Emarie, I usually come across things without really knowing where I am and by luck, and if I do know where I don't find my way back!!! I will post or PM you if I find it!

Thanks just PM me if you find it....hugs

Hi, Barb. If you find the thread again, I would like to read it, also. You might just want to post a link to it so all of us "food addicts" can go read it.

Hi there Heckmom..I am a food addict too. I posted earlier something about being addicted to food. Everyone that is a food addict will agree with me when I say that you will have to fight this for your entire life. There will never be a day when food does not consume your life. I mean its unlike any other addiction. You cannot walk away from food! Its not nicotine, heroine, or alchohol. You simply cannot live without it. You are forced to live with it.

I believe that is my biggest struggle. I love every aspect of food. I love to cook...eat...smell...and think about food. I watch food porn (FoodTV)...and when I try to NOT think about it..I actually mourn it and get depressed....am I unique with these feelings?

People all my life have told me I was born to be a chef...but I know that this can never happen or I would be a 600 lb chef and I cannot do that...


In any event..I understand and all I can say is take one day at a time and if you can make it through one day...you can make it through another day and another...

Heck mom,
I'm a food addict too. Thanks for your words. I needed to hear 'em.

How great to know we are not alone. That's what the neighborhood is here for...encouragement & hoping no one feels like they are out there all alone in the journey.

We will fight! We will win! We are not alone!

I can completely understand what you are saying...I too am competely addicted to food. I have been fooling myself into thinking that if i just ate small bits of thing through out the day it was ok....but obviously its not since I have regained some of my weight. I think about food constantly. Wow its great to know I'm not alone....

Hi again,

Welcome B!!

Smiles - I agree with everything you said!!! I too would be a 600 lb chef!

Barb I hope you find that thread, I'm interested in reading it also!

I am and always have been addicted to food as well. The only thing that changed post op was that I went from being a closet food addict who wasn't fooling anyone at 320 pounds to an open food addict who thought that as long as I was in the mid 100s, nobody was going to scrutinize me for making a second trip to the goodie table.

My preop days consisted of trip after trip to every fast food place you could think of. I would never eat inside for fear of being watched, and even when I was bringing food home to the family, I'd buy a little extra for the ride home, and then eat a full meal once I got there, thinking nobody would ever assume I was eating more than was intended as a meal. For instance I had it time perfectly to know that I could hoover down two bean burritos from taco bell on my way home, dispose of the wrappers, and then nonchalantly walk in and sit down to a couple more, and a mexican pizza. Who was I fooling? The fat on my body was as much of a dead giveaway as it would have been if I had spilled half of the burrito down my shirt and had to walk in with the evidence all over me.

Today, I keep food at my desk and graze all day long, and use the pitiful excuse that I have to eat several small meals a day to get in my daily nutritional requirements. I think that if I grab a few hershey kisses out of the candy bowl every time I walk to the printer that nobody is going to think anything of it because I look like a normal weight. I'm no longer ashamed to eat in front of people. I actually love dining with friends and look forward to every opportunity to eat. But, ashamed or not, I am still very much so a food addict.

Now, 35 pounds heavier than my lowest weight, my addiction is starting to show itself again, and I realize once again, I'm not fooling anybody. That scares the daylights out of me, because it won't be any time at all that I turn back into that shamed sad little girl who harbors everything inside.

I want nothing more than to lose this addiction once and for all. I want to be so busy, I "forgot" to eat. I want to lose lose that mentality that the joy I get from a few pieces of candy is worth feeling sleepy and nonproductive for 2 hours at work. I now have turned my dumping syndrome into a mild sedative. I eat a bowl of cereal right before bed because I know that when my sugar spikes, that I will crash and get a good night's sleep. How's that for self-sabotage?

So, it is time, now more than ever to wake up, and realize that I'm not a normal person. I have serious food issues that I will always have to battle, and if I'm not proactive in making myself better, I will never truly be at goal, no matter what weight I get to. Thank goodness for the 5dpt because I am on day 3 and just in that short period of time, I feel like I'm the one in control again, and that in itself is such a glorious feeling.


thin1day@yahoo.com
320/145/174/130
LAP RNY 12/11/2003
OPEN LEAK REPAIR 12/29/2003

Kristen, consider yourself hugged from a whole bunch of people that have the same feelings, fears, and insecurities. The great thing is, is that you are taking the steps to face the food demons and destructive behaviors. You have a great understanding of where your own personal issues are and 'voiced' them so well. How did you feel after posting???? It always is very therapeutic for me! I really enjoy the "get real with yourself" attitude in the hood!

Keep posting away and let us know how you are doing. Congrats on day 1-3 of the dpt and enjoy the texture of days 4 and 5!

Oooops, I forgot.....I chuckled when I read "I am not a normal person" I have yet to meet and or be able to define "normal"!!!!!!!!!! I like to look at everyone as unique.......some are just more 'uniquer' than others!


and bye the way...... to the neighborhood

Kristen! Wow!!! What a good writer you are. You expressed things that I haven't thought about for a long time! I hated eating out for fear of being watched too. And judged of course. I'm glad you are doing the 5dpt and hope you get your control back. You sound like you're on your way. You are a beautiful woman by the way.

Barb, I love your response to Kristen. I'm so glad you started this post. And I love your new word..."uniquer"!!

And Kristen....Welcome to the 'hood! I think you'll love it here.

Smiles, I loved your comment: "I watch food porn (FoodTV)." It's one of my favorite channels, too - food porn - how appropriate!

Kristen...WOW are you in my head?? hehehe great post. I feel the same way.

Catsroomie...Yup..FoodTV is as much of an addiction for me as food is...I rush home to watch Rachael Ray...and heaven help anyone standing in my way of watching Saturday's line-up! I mean commme on...all new episodes!!

I have been VERY good since the 5dpt and only have watched a few shows.

I have not cheated once and have made a solid effort to exercise everyday..walking, riding my bike, weeding in the back yard...anything that requires me to get off my duff and do something.

As of yesterday I am down 10 lbs. YAY..but I am very cautious in celebrating..I am GREAT at sabotaging myself anytime I do something good so its low and slow for me.

I too am petrified of regaining all the weight and trust me..it would not be hard...I have learned to live with the dumping too..before the 5dpt I could seriously eat almost anything and in a quite larger quantity too...at least 3-4 cups at a sitting..bad..bad...bad

I now measure my food to 1 cup of food per meal..and yes I do get hungry sometimes, but you know what....its feels OK to be hungry...when I was very small (5) we were poor and we went hungry a lot, I believe that is were some of my deep seeded issues stem from...because as an adult I never went hungry..I made sure of that! I remember my father hording food...eating candy in front of my brother and I and not letting us have any..I remember him using food as a motivator and making us clean our plate and when you are raised in that type of atmosphere..its deep seeded and very hard to let go of.

Yea..Yea..I know, WOW you have identified why you are FAT..it may be great to identify the reason...but..its the getting past it that is the true issue..It's easy to blame something or someone for your faults..its harder to accept them as part of you and learn how to change yourself from the inside.

Its been 2 years since my surgery and I have to resign to myself that I too will NEVER be normal and I too will never be able to casually munch throughout the day without repercussions.

One Day at a Time

Hi Smiles,

Your posts are always so interesting to me. It sounds like you've got yourself under control, congratulations! You're doing great with the no cheating and exercising. 10 lbs is impressive. You are being very realistic in your attitude, I admire that! And I do watch Rachael Ray from time to time but the Food Network was one of my addictions before WLS, so I try and stay away from it. It usually just makes me hungry! But food porn is a great way to describe those shows!

Stay strong, you can do it!!

My name is Jeanie, and I am a food porn addict. Paula Deen is probably my favorite, but I wouldn't touch her food with a 10 foot pole!

Thanks guys..=)


and..Paula Dean..Mrs. Butter..mmmm..I agree...avoid her food at all costs! hehe

It's so great to see others who can relate to the way I feel. I'm done with the 5dpt now and did well, I lost 7 pounds and gained a whole new perspective. I did notice that the minute I introduced a few carbs back in on day 6 though the cravings immediately resurfaced. That's scary to me because I don't want to fail again. I know my pouch still works, now I just need to stick with the rules.
Huggles,
Kristen

Wow...wow...wow! As I sit here reading this post I'm wondering how the heck, heckmom, did I miss this thread????? Oh, well better late than never!

Foodtv=food porn...omg, what a great way to describe it! I used to watch it for hours and just dream of all the yummy stuff I could make...mmmmm! Now, I rarely watch it, thank God or I'd never accomplish anything but dreaming about food and did I mention that I'm a food addict too??? LOL! Always on my mind and if I can't make it for me I make it for others...I do some volunteering and help prepare 2 meals a week for a total of 200 people and then 2x a month I am in charge of the entire "culinary" experience for about 50 kids....we do all kinds of menus...luau's, French, African, Italian, Irish...and the list goes on...good thing I do not eat all the things I prepare or I'd still be almost 500lbs....

I TOO LOVE everything about food...taste, texture, smell, feel...all of it and the challenge of taking fresh ingredients and turning it into something really yummers! I too dream of it....think about what's gonna be my next meal before the current 1 is over..... URRRRGH! And I am almost 5yrs post op! I would love to "forget" to eat...I have only done this on rare occassions...oh to be in th honeymoon stage of wls...(I'm dreaming) b/c at least then I was not hungry very often...oh well, each stage has it's challenges...

I too fear gaining it all back, does the madness ever stop...I too self sabotage I do not understand the complexities of this but at least I am aware of it and have been for years...

I'm with Jeannie....we will win!!!!!! Let's just keep fighting the good fight! GO TEAM WLSers!!!!

Much luv, many blessings and victoriously banish the MONSTER!!!! (we need an emoticon with a sword, like a warrior going into battle! lol!)

Hello Julie,
I have a question for you. I am almost 3 years out and still want to lose 25 more pounds. Do you have any suggestions on helping me to begin losing weight again.
Thanks!
Terry

I too am a food addict. I think about it all the time. Even more so when I am trying not to focus on it! I am an emotional eater. I eat for every emotion. To celebrate, to comfort, bordem, anger, I deserve it. I dont care! I am learning to use food as fuel. Not always successful as in times of stress it is easier to slide back into the old habbits instead of my newly learned behavoir. I am trying tho and this neighborhood is making all the difference. It is truely an answer to prayer for me!

I watched the Food Network while in the hospital recovering from my WLS...how sick is that? There I was, making three little one ounce cups (SF Jello-red and two beef broths-brown) last thirty minutes while Rachel Ray whipped up enough food to stuff the "old" me in the same amount of time. Wrong, I tell ya!

My second Christmas after WLS, my aunt gave me Paula Dean's cookbook. I said, "Great! I love fiction!" You can't even modify her recipes!

I had to quit watching Food Network. I found that I was getting in to this thing where I was having my meal while watching! food porn is right! You know, what you all are saying about the nature of food and eating really has me thinking this morning... Do alcoholics play around with booze? Do they drink alcohol free beers and leave whiskey in the cupboards? Do they watch the Wine Channel?

Dang, it's no wonder we're a nation of food addicts! We've gotta break our obsession with the act of buying, storing, preparing and eating food! I think we're being pretty cruel to ourselves to play the food games we play...

Sandi,
You are so right.
I have pretty much gotten rid of the stuff we don't need in our home.
Even while I was feeding my addiction & getting fatter by the minute, I think I was a success in training my children. They are all fit & eat pretty well. It feels good to know I did something to break the cycle in my family. In fact, I have to by 2 boxes of Atkins bars when I buy them because Ethan will eat mine if he doesn't have his own! (Not that I mind, but I was finding an empty box when I needed one)

Hi Sandi,
I was just thinking on my drive in this morning that it would be wonderful to live like the European's do...shop daily...just for what you need for that nights meal. Whatever was fresh and available would be your choice...sort of like going to a restaurant and ordering off of the "daily special" rather than the standard menu. I know that time is an issue and that is why we have our weekly shops and our monthly Costco runs...but really, wouldn't it be cool? I quickly talked myself out of it, as the thought of standing in line at Raley's EVERY night after work was not appealing.

xoxo

Yeah Kim, it's like our French Woman Phase. There's a fine line between taking care of yourself, and just playing another addiction game. I'm lucky that I live in a small town where the daily shop is not time consuming, but there just isn't any good produce! You can buy it daily if ya want, but it's the same crap they hauled in last October. I just want to eat good stuff when I need it and be done with it! I don't want to think about it between meals.

My point about the cruel part is that we just tease ourselves to death, dangling stuff in front of our eyes, spending all our time dwelling on each meal, then berating ourselves for being "weak" for "giving in." We spend so much time obsessing about our next meal, our next bite of food, then we don't even get the food swallowed before we start with the self-loathing. It's just crazed. I know of no other addiction that is so insidious that way. A crack addict knows better than to keep the stuff around. If you've been an alcoholic, you change your friends and everything.

Well, I'm getting all wound up again, but hey, aren't we supposed to be "loving ourselves" on here? Be kinder to yourselves friends. Love yourselves. You're not a bad person.

I hear ya, Sandi.

buts it's hard to go a from relinquishing control to surrender and move on from admission to acceptance. Maybe it's time to drop the notion of maintenance and focus on recovery and developing the awareness that goes with it.

Lee, you say a lot of very big things in that little reply. "Move on from admission to acceptance," for example. "Notion of maintenance" is another. I need to dwell on this for a minute or two. Admitting that I have to relinquish control? Or admitting that I needed to surrender my control? Sorry, I've been out in the sun too long today or something! Got a bad case of "California Head," I guess. Need more information.

LOLOL ... Sandi you crack me up!

It's not anything new. In AA one of the first steps to recovery is acknowledging you are powerless over your addiction. You come to accept your powerlessness.

Maintenance is about taking control. Recovery is about relinquishing control. Scary, huh?

It's about waking up and moving away from the behaviors and thought patterns that encourage the addictive cycle.

I'm not the best person to be talking about this cause it's all new to me too, but it is powerful.

Wow!

Here's what hit me betwixt the eyes on this last one:

"Maintenance is about taking control. Recovery is about relinquishing control. Scary, huh?"

Seriously, I'm not stoned or anything. Just this stuff is really making a big impression on me. Hey, should we start a new thread or something? Recovery vs. maintenance...wow!

LOLOLOL.... Sandi, coffee is spewing out my nose.

Sure why not start a new thread! You start , I'll chime in with the little bit I know and we'll see what happens.