I'm deleting my first paragraph because I don't want to speak poorly about another site, but I just want to say that I'm SOOOO happy to have found this site. I honestly think staying here at a WLS support site that focuses on healthy eating and not "wandering" to one that doesn't necessarily do that will help to keep me on track. You tend to pick up habits of those around you and I don't want to begin to float back to my old habits - cookies and other bad stuff is NOT o.k. to eat. I need to be around those that have kicked the carb monster to the curb and are focused on healthy habits!

Besides, I know here I'll get my booty chewed good if I start down the wrong path and I need that accountability in my life.

Thanks for being here guys!

True dat, home skillet! I hear you! So what next, should we all march over there and start slappin'?

It's frustrating to see people take a huge step backward in their recovery when you know what truly works. This is the way of the world though. If people automatically did the right thing and took good care of themselves, morbid obesity would NOT be an epidemic.

Remember and be patient. Many have come to this site because they needed a fresh start.

hugs and hope

Applauding Sandi!

Being a part of LAWLS makes each and every one of us ACCOUNTABLE. We have people to answer to that won't allow us to let ourself down. We WANT to succeed so the neighborhood is proud of us but more than that, it is a true sense of being in this 'together' and reaching out to each other to both celebrate the victories and help in time of need.

You won't get lies and pats on the back for bad behavior here, you will get the TRUTH. It is what all of us needs.

One thing I have learned is that having the neighborhood holding me accountable for myself, is a huge help, especially lately, in my life to stay focused and on track, remember the truly important things...and protein protein protein!

Other places I have been to seem to do nothing but make excuses for behaviors that dont get modified...so IMO, they end up being one giant enabling system. The hood is home for many of us who have no one else out of here who really get it...and us.

Great post Toris...sometimes we need to remember just how lucky we are.

I needed to read this this morning. I just posted to "Chris" in another thread. I feel like she/he has some real issues that need to be addressed & told her/him so. I felt like I was a little tough, but reading here reminded me that this is what we do in the neighborhood. We don't say, "go ahead and eat 1 1/2 cups of food 2 weeks out" or "eat that sugar and fat since you aren't dumping from it." You can find that on some other sites. We tell each other, hopefully lovingly, the tough stuff. That's how we keep on track. That's how we are different that the others.
I hope "Chris" will realize that what I said was in trying to encourage and help her/him to succeed.

Thank you Jeanie!! Go back and see what I wrote! LOL Sorry...I couldnt help but get mad at Cris as well....IF YOU DON'T HELP YOURSELF others CAN'T help you either!!

We might have been harsh but it is a reality and we REALLY do care about his/her journey as well...but they have to STEP UP TO THE PLATE AS WELL!

WE cant and wont coddle someone....

Julie

QUOTE(BeJean @ Mar 1 2008, 08:36 AM)

I needed to read this this morning. I just posted to "Chris" in another thread. I feel like she/he has some real issues that need to be addressed & told her/him so. I felt like I was a little tough, but reading here reminded me that this is what we do in the neighborhood. We don't say, "go ahead and eat 1 1/2 cups of food 2 weeks out" or "eat that sugar and fat since you aren't dumping from it." You can find that on some other sites. We tell each other, hopefully lovingly, the tough stuff. That's how we keep on track. That's how we are different that the others.
I hope "Chris" will realize that what I said was in trying to encourage and help her/him to succeed.

Ok, wait... if you two think you were hard on cris, then what was I...? A train wreck?! Could be, but, ya know what... sumtimes, it just bees that way, now don't it??!!

Toris -
I switched over to this site for the same reasons -
and I feel like I have found a healthy home Love you guys!

A couple of year ago, I signed on to a Yahoo post-WLS group called
Back on Track, (I think)... I felt so defeated there.. I dropped out.
It was an "anything goes because nothing works" kinda place...
No Thanks....

One time at Red Lobster, the waitress said that our gastric bypass luncheon could not use the children's menu. We had already been told that they would let us use it that day... (we always call in advance to every restaurant we use...its a one time a month "Lunch Bunch" gathering...) All the folks are at different stages of their wls journey... one lady had just had her surgery and couldn't even eat food yet... Anyway... we were "allowed" to order from that menu "just this once" but in the future, it would not be allowed... whether or not you had a wls card or not... None of us even knew until much later that the Red Lobsters offer half portions at lower costs...

Anyway, I posted on the "other" board asking for support to please email Red Lobster and voice an opinion that we should be allowed to eat off the children's menu. Or at least advertise the fact that they had half portions. No one told us. Those people chewed me up and spit me out. I even got hate mail! It was awful. I am not advocating to do this now, mind you... I'm just telling you what happened.... they were so mean and viscious that I never ever wanted to return to that particular section of that vast website... which by the way, has forums broken down by state, and the TN forum is awesome! Ok, shameless plug for all you Tennesseans! lol

I am so blessed to have come to this site first...I don't go to others because I don't really have the time...at this point I'm thinking: THANK GOD I don't have the time!!!! :)

Something I've been thinking we may sometimes forget is that we are all human and we do make mistakes...I mean most of us have admitted to wrong food choices at one time or another...So to me we are all in the need of a little grace sometimes, but do you all think that by showing grace that we could be enabling bad behavior?

I'm just trying to wrap my brain around this because I don't want to coddle anyone but I also do not want to judge them so harshly that they feel they can not be "real" with the n'hood...Make sense? I dunno...maybe this is the wrong place to post this, but it just seemed ok because of the direction most posts were going...just a thought and Definitely not a judgment!

Much luv and many blessings!!!!

Amelia, I don't think I've ever seen any sense of enabling going on. We're quick to get our hand smacked (in a very loving manner, of course) when we start to drift down the wrong path. I get the feeling here that people truly care whether we succeed or not - and in order to do that, we need to hear the truth.

Toris, I guess I should have been more clear about what I meant by "enabling"...
I do not think that showing grace, at times, is enabling bad behavior....I was just curious as to what other neighbors thought. I on the other hand think that WE may forget to show grace for fear of enabling... I would totally agree that we get a loving hand smack, however, I just wonder if newbies to the site see it as a loving hand smack or as harsh judgement... It's probably b/c I'm a little overly emotional right now that I am even questioning this. I would just really be crushed if I thought my response to someone else's "issue" was viewed by that person as overly harsh and it drove them away from here. I'm rambling and maybe this is not where I should post this concern...

Please forgive me if I have been offensive in any way.....thanks for being here to read/listen! :)

Much luv and many blessings!

In all the reading I've done during my relatively short tenure here, I haven't seen anything that I would consider harsh, judgmental, unfriendly, or unreasonable. I've seen a lot of loving and enthusiastic support, carefully tendered advice, and, on rare occasion, well warranted "dutch uncling".

(Is that a word? "Uncling"? As in speaking to someone like a dutch uncle? Well, if it wasn't before, it is now. )

Thanks for the clarification. I think we walk a fine line with this. In reference to the post I made, I don't want the member to feel beat up on but, if you read the posts from her/him, they are headed for self defeat if they don't get with the program. I truly don't want them to go elsewhere, just decide to do what they have to in order to be successful.
And, please don't feel like you can't express your feelings about a subject. I'm glad we have that freedom here.

Amelia, I understand what you're saying (and you shouldn't be afraid to say it). That's one of the reasons I deleted the first paragraph of this post - after re-reading it, it seemed a bit harsh and I didn't want to offend anyone. I often find myself doing that. I'll write what I'm thinking and then go back and re-read it again and again to make sure I'm not being brutal.

Enable: to give the means or permission to do something regardless of consequence.

Empower: To give power to pursue excellence or achievement.


At LivingAfterWLS we talk about empowerment, not enablement. Which path do you want to take?


LivingAfterWLS Empowerment Philosophy

I re-read this thread and want to respond further - to explain further my platform.

Recently I spoke to a group in Seattle about life after weight loss surgery. I talked about the "broken window" theory that is popularly quoted in urban renewal. In the 1980's there was a study conducted that demonstrated if a window was broken in an urban area and not fixed soon, another window was soon broken and so on. Pretty soon, many windows were broken without concern for repair.

In weight loss surgery, or healthy living for that matter, if we break a window (eat badly, dismiss exercise, disregard the pouch) the next day it is easier to do the same. The longer we delay fixing the broken window, the more windows become broken. Allowing broken windows is enablement. Fixing broken windows is empowerment. It is not realistic to assume our *windows* will never break, after all, glass is fragile. But it is enablement to say to hell with it when one window is broken and we allow all other efforts to fail --- all windows to break. Empowerment is saying, "RATS", I broke a window, but today I fix that window; I will not continue to break my windows.

I hope this makes sense. We all make mistakes. We all suffer broken windows. Empowerment comes the day we say that's it - I am fixing that window and doing my best not to break another.

Broken windows happen. As quoted in my speech:





A setback is not a failure. A weight loss surgery patient is not a failure. We are human and when we empower one another we achieve beyond expectation.

this is the only wls site i have used, i have no need to search further. i also have only seen support, encouragement, and if any, only helpful and caring critisism. this is the best neighborhood, if i'm feeling discouraged or have had a bad day i just log on and start going through the neighborhood and feel better

Wow Kaye,

Well said!

I agree with Kaye and WELL SAID I MIGHT ADD!!

Amelia...I dont think i've seen enabling around here either...where we might have been a tad harsh in the other post to a newbie...it was done in a caring way....we didnt just shout out...YOUR DOING ALL THE WRONG THINGS!! We shared some of our secrets and things that we've learned in our journey that have proven to be successful. There were ALOT of red flags in that post as well.

Now on to the OTHER websites. I for one spent several years on another website...I got lots of information from it and actually went on two cruises with administrators and many friends I met from that site. I NEEDED THAT SITE and without it I may have NEVER had WLS. This site was not around. They also have ALOT of good information! I still to this day frequent the plastic surgery boards as we have nothing like that on here and I have mentioned it here because I think it's an important part of our journey!!!

Now on the flip side of that...when the neighborhood came along..I felt more at home and got alot more support because of the smallness. I am fortunate enough to be one of the foundation members. #48 to be exact. I LOVE IT HERE but it too has changed as it has grown.

I am VERY thankful for both sites as they each gave me something I needed. I still speak regularly to some great friends I've made from there who are spread out all over the world. They have lifted me up and still I will get an email from someone saying that they read my blog and were inspired. I enjoy that! I have a years of blogging and photos on that site which help me to see my journey. I dont blog on here regularly and i'm not sure why. Maybe i'm blogged out and it was more important in the earlier years.

But this is my home....but I think like friends...we get bits and pieces of great things from many!!
My journey is blogged and the link has always been on my signature line....I know that newbies on here have read it and recently I was told by a nieghbor that she goes back to my blog to help her on here journey. THIS made me so thankful for documenting my journey!

So all sites have SOMETHING to offer...each in their own difference. We like it here because it is more like family...but the bigger it grows the harder it is. For me anyway. But I will always reach out to my neighbors here when I need them...because I know I am loved by many..so whether it be in a post or in a PM. I'm here for good! But i'm also thankful for my time on other sites.

THIS IS MY 2 cents! Take it or leave it! lol... Julie

I like that. I do feel like I am empowered and not enabled here. I'm sure other sites may be what some are looking for or they wouldn't exist, but I don't need to look any further.